Practice what you want to get stronger has been one of my affirmations for a few years now. One can also read it as What you practice gets stronger or Practice makes progress. (I believe this quote stems from a mindfulness background but it works with whatever we are doing- not just meditation. I even like the version Water what you want to turn greener.) We can apply it to self- talk, exercise, patience and compassion, and a million of other goals or dreams. If we are intentional there will be change and, possibly, something to show for it- be it a stronger ass from daily Pelotoning or a bi-weekly-ish smattering of essays that turn into a book (who knows?!?). If I want something bad enough, I can do something about it. When we are uncomfortable enough, or envious enough, or deliberate enough, something within is stirred and action can follow. I like action. I like trying new things. I am good with change and setting routines, though I continue to work on the follow through and manifesting- but that will be for another blog post- mostly.
Along these lines of mantras and mottos, there are 2 magnets on our fridge. They showed up for me at different times when clearly something in my life desired some higher (or inner) wisdom. One reads If you really wanted to, you would and the other Let go or be dragged. One motivates me and drives me to create, the other asks me to forgive and release anything that isn't serving me (my 'tude or any built up resentments that make me bitter and brittle). So along these lines of mantras and pot stirrers that beg me to make decisions and discern what is worth fighting for, last week I took the kids to Universal Orlando.
As at least one dear friend can attest, I have been talking about taking the kids to Harry Potter World for the past four years. It has been a sincere goal of mine and I knew I would have to take them alone. When I decided that I indeed wanted to take the kids to Orlando (never having taken them to Disney World, Sea World or even our local water parks) I was in the middle of grad school and didn't have the time to take them. Then I graduated and struggled with some serious demons that prevented me from going into grocery stores and my local gym (pre-COVID), let alone an amusement park that hosted over 10.5 million folks from around the world every year. Crowds, loud noises, lines, scare techniques, powerful smells, speeding- not gonna happen. Then my PTSD existence softened and COVID hit the world and we all experienced forms of shock from fear, grief and anxiety. So, yes, four years of wanting, imagining, testing, retreating, shaming, exploring, and silencing an urge that I desperately wanted to share with my kids, to offer to my kids with my whole heart, knowing I full well could be terrified the entire time, but that if I went I would have to keep it together. (If you really wanted to, you would.). And I knew if I didn't make a plan to go to Harry Potter World (and pronto!) I would miss the window of my children's excitement and feel like a failure as a parent for the rest of my life. There was no letting go of my love for Harry Potter and I didn't want to drag him down with me and my feelings of ineptitude. (Let go or be dragged.)
So, I made a plan and hired a travel agent for the first time ever. We got a 4 day/3 park pass and somehow we turned it into five days of Universal. Hallelujah, we had VIP express passes and we hit Harry Potter World, and everything else. We had a room at the Hard Rock Hotel with a bath tub (each one of us took at least one bath a day), we went to yummy restaurants, we ate donuts each morning, we ordered Uber eats, we watched Impractical Jokers whenever we were in the room, we drank butter beer, we got candy from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes every day. And I SURVIVED! I screamed, I laughed, I almost wet my pants, I waited in lines without a mask (because it was bloody hot and no one else was wearing them), I closed my eyes, I opened them, I found a somewhat quiet space (very challenging) and meditated every morning, I took my vitamins. Damn it- I went on every ride my kids wanted to go on, at least once, I held their shit, I waited in line as they took rides until it was our turn, and I had fun doing it all! Seriously. Even in the humid, sticky, hot Florida summer air with music playing non-stop and sweaty folks rubbing up against you by mistake- there was joy, magic and a pure gold sense of resilience that was filling up my bank account. (Even Gringott's would be proud.)
And just for a bonus challenge, on the morning of our intended departure our flight was delayed 8 hours and we weren't going to get to our respected places (3 of us home, and 1 on to camp). So, I decided to rent a car and drive Harry to Charleston, and then the rest of us on to our new port of disembarkation, Charlotte, NC. A 10 hour drive and an overnight in a seedy airport hotel, and we all made it to where we had to go. And now I can brag about it as I recover from our amazing journey. Smelling the salty air, embracing the humid breezes, and taking in the quiet with intense gratitude, even if it is during the third complete island power outage of the week.
I don't think I am a boaster, but I found my hustle and it feels really good. The follow through, the doing what it takes to make something happen, even the cranky neck that I woke up to the day after we got home told me that I had done something out of the ordinary. And while I never need to return to Orlando (or another theme park ever again!) I can say I gave Universal my all and I will never forget the squeals and smiles of delight on my kids' faces as they soared through the Flight of the Hippogriff, climbed on Hagrid's Motorbike Adventure, spun through the Forbidden Journey. It really was magic and oh so worth it.
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