Bitch-ing...One more time

(Imagine Daft Punk singing this song as you read my second post in 2 days. And if you've never heard it, play it- now...

God, I wish I were better at technology and could just play it for you.)

I'm b.i.t.ch.ing. Back.In.The.CHair to write this friggin' post. (A friend from my writing class shared this acronym with me.) However, I think both meanings apply here. I'll let you be the judge.

I was hoping that the poem would suffice. It did, for a moment, but there was just too much irony with my post disappearing and the post being about losing my identity... that I had to return. Yes, my deleted post was about how I have no proof of identity and have been unable to leave our beautiful island, whether I like it or not.

Over the course of two weeks, I lost my CT drivers license, my passport expired and the BMV refused to give me a VI license (in the final days before my passport expired) until I could turn in a duplicate CT license. The lovely supervisor on duty even refused to let me apply for a drivers license as a new driver, willing to take the written, vision and driving test, because my CT license is active for another 2 years. So, after about 15 hours spent at the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to get some sort of ID, the passport office to get an expedited renewal of my passport and on the phone with the CT Department of Motor Vehicles to request a duplicate license because their online services weren't working, I surrendered and accepted the temporary VI license that the BMV was finally willing to give me. And while this ID proves my eligibility to drive on this island it does not grant me permission to leave this island, stating in large red writing across the top,"Not Valid for Federal Identification." Humph... I'm re-activated again... writing this, again!

But truly, it's been a challenging time (and no, Mercury isn't in retrograde) as I've had to come to some sort of acceptance in regards to my "identity", as well as define new meaning when it comes to being grounded. While I am confident in my abilities to return to presence, find stable footing and root myself in uncertain and rocky times, I'm not as seasoned at paying for my "bad" behavior, like a high schooler who's been caught breaking the rules, and doing penance. Now that I mention it, I don't even think I ever was grounded when I was in high school.

One thing I've gleaned in this process, along with all my new friendships at the DMV, BMV, and US Passport offices, is the fact that I am being asked to choose where to "legally" plant my roots. While I am not the only person living on St. Thomas who's hesitant to disinherit their stateside driver's license and go all in with the VI Real ID driver's license (they currently don't work in the TSA readers), I find myself at a crossroads where I must pick a team.

VI license/ CT license. Gypsy/homebody.

As an Aquarian sun and a Libra rising, going "all in" is not in my nature. I like options. I like to support who/what/how more along the lines of an a la carte menu and not a prix fix. I like the ability to change and shape shift. I like to balance all possibilities and, as a result, I have a hard time making choices (ie; indecision haunts me in my sleep). And here I am, rootless in CT, other than 2 children come fall who are legally dependent on their parents so really don't have "roots" there, and planting deeper roots on Tropaco Point with our renovation plans in the hands of St. Thomas' Coastal Zone Management. It seems that I need to accept this request to root and follow the necessary protocol and, once I do, the freedom to leave will soon follow. Talk about a paradox.

Needless to say, I keep praying that my passport, license, acceptable Federal ID will arrive soon and that Dave and Harry's visit to Old San Juan last weekend will be the only trip I miss. And if you want to send me a little juju, too, I'd be grateful. We've got a trip to DC at the end of the month!

So tell me, dear reader, I'm curious... what's been knocking on your door recently? What's been showing up, bursting at the seams, needing your attention- though you wish it would stay hidden under the rug for another decade? I'd love to know and talk you through it;)

With open arms,

St. Sunshine