The beautiful chaos has come to a close, well, almost. We toured Slovenia and Austria to close out our summer. 12 packed days to explore and play in unfamiliar territory as a family, with some extra traveling days due to storms and mechanical issues. We jumped off cliffs and floated in the sky with a paragliding sail. Climbed slippery rock faces and hiked trails in Jezersko. Swam in an alpine, heart shaped lake. Trekked underground for miles in Postojsna amongst the most extraordinary stalagmites from over 200,000 years ago. Found that special spot off the main trail in Bohinj where we put our feet in freezing water and smelled the delicious scent of moss and old earth. Made wildflower arrangements and pressed purple blooms in our journals. Spent two nights in a haunted castle where the main character for the English Patient was conceived. Toured the Schonbrunn Palace in record temperatures and ditched our tour group to find a cool spot for lunch. Ran from dinner to our Ljubljana hotel in a drenching rainstorm. Played Rabble and Wavelength at restaurants. Stopped at Decathalon to get swim goggles and protein shakes. Did photo shoots for Hugh, who was shooting content for his friend's clothing company. Blasted EDM music as Dave sped us back to Slovenia on the Autobahn. Found out that you can order a bucket of apple pies at McDonalds in Bled...
The snippets that make up a trip across an ocean in a foreign land. The moments you cling to, so you can revel in them later. When you do your best to table the rest of your life, be as present as a great heron in a flowing stream, taking it all in because you are hungry and know tomorrow will be different. Willingly performing the invisible labor of keeping a schedule and knowing what comes next as you watch your children go with the flow and be stunned by their surroundings, just like you. The gifts of travel and togetherness never disappoint.
The mayhem continued after we disbanded in Slovenia. Hugh flew to LA in a day and moved into his fraternity by himself. Harry and Elsa made their way with me back to Choate, via visits with family and friends in Connecticut, and too many trips to Target and Dick's to count. And now all the kids are where they will be for the next 9 months. The doing is done, their roots are secure, their pillows fluffed and spritzed with lavender oil.
I am back home to Dave and the dogs with an empty tank and a heavy heart. The sense of missing phantom limbs returns. The dread of echoes and lack of confidence in our chosen home turf percolates through my bloodstream. The mojo and "go, girl!go!" is gone. My new affirmation practice is weak and my woe's color is turd brown. It doesn't help that we have 2 weeks to move out of our current rental and find a new place to live until our renovation is complete. Maybe this restriction and testing of my life force is Pluto's doing (again). The planet moves back into Capricorn on September 1 until mid November, tightening its grip on any "out there" progress Aquarius has made in the last 8 months for worldly consciousness and collective delight. Maybe I'm just depleted from 3 fantastic weeks of hustle and bustle and a summer of putting my big writing project on hold or I'm tired of good-byes and living far away from loved ones.
Truth be told, I'm not trying to point a finger at what's wrong, rather, I'm knowing and naming what I'm feeling. These waves of letting go and moving on (and out) is so true for so many right now. Tis the end of the season (it's Labor Day weekend, after all) and we are all on a path of new beginnings, in some shape or form. While labor may make us think of our career and work, it can also mean what we are birthing or celebrating what has been birthed. (I'm trying to find the silver lining here:)
September brings routine and sweater weather, gratitude and late harvests, awe and football (American and the rest of the world's version). I've worked hard not to fast forward through tough times, to wish things to be over so new things can begin, to not feel the thick and challenging. While times like these test those practices, the post-summer slump always hits me hard, and I know how to pick myself back up with walks along the beach, seeing friends at Fish Bar, going to the barn, doing the NYT Beehive with Dave. I may need a few days, or weeks, to get there... but by the time we meet again, I'm sure my woes will be a different color.
Wishing you heart-full transitions,
St. Sunshine
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